So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
