Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Houston, we have a blender
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
