There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
