need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What a dumb baby whore.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
