We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize