i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
3 2 1 whiskey
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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