mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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