genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
