Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
