you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize