to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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