Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is Oprah even human
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
