I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
