i already hear my dad disowning me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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