Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
