I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
