FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
