last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drunk is not a location!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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