Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
