I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
