if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
