was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
