Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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