Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
