I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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