apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
