I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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