She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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