last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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