***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.