She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
