Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We are all done wearing pants today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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