i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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