Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize