I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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