you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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