areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bet he comes in French.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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