The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
