just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
