i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
