i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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