After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
