Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize