I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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