Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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