life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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