The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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