omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
