1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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