It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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