Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
