Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
