The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
