My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
