Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
