Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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