New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
