he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
