Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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