Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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