he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
