I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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